Dear Editor,
I read today of the heart-rending events at the Cudgel Institute. As a graduate of Mr Cudgel’s establishment, I know how much these unfortunate deaths will grieve him.

I myself have witnessed this distinguished man shedding copious tears when one of his experimental disciplinarian techniques resulted in the exsanguination of one of my fellows. If you are in contact with him, please pass on my condolences.

On doctor’s orders, I myself am unable to contact him directly as being in his presence brings on an unpleasant seizure. This is the result, my physician informs me, of several extreme forms of discipline inflicted upon me while I was in residence at the Institute. I cannot tell you what these are as they were only revealed under the influence of mesmerism and my physician refuses to divulge their nature in fear of precipitating my death.

Most of the time, however, I find myself in robust good health and am in the process of seeking gainful employment. It would be of great assistance to me if you could inform me as to how I might find a position as a Galvonic Health Belt Fitter. I believe this particular form of work will be very suited to my nature. Although much of my body is disfigured by acid burns - the cause of which I have no memory - my hands remain relativley unscarred and are particularly strong and sensitive.

Yours sincerely,
Elijah Monckton Esq.